The X-Project

On her way back from her morning workout, Marie runs into Scott on his way to his office. He and Marie talk about some of the things he left out in that initial conversation on the way back from the airport. She's a little more concerned with how he is now.


To say that he'd slept last night would be... a bald-faced lie, Scott thought with the sort of clarity that only came from physical and emotional exhaustion. He held his coffee cup very carefully as he headed down the hall towards his office; his hands were a little shaky, and he didn't want to spill anything. He needed the caffeine.

Marie was feeling fairly invigorated after her workout. She still hadn't found anything that was too heavy to lift and her stamina was improving. Heading back to her room, she saw that someone was heading in her direction. As the man got closer, she was shocked to see that it was Scott. Seeing Jean had been like seeing a ghost, but Scott was actually pale enough to be one. She paused, giving him a concerned look.

He hadn't had the coffee yet. That was why he walked right by Marie, he'd tell himself later; he'd just registered someone in the hall, but not who, and he really wasn't up for conversation.

That is not a good sign. She had kept waiting for Scott to see her and stop walking, or at least give her an acknowledging nod. Instead, he just walked past her, his eyes not even appearing to register her existence. Reaching out, she gently tapped him on the shoulder, while calling out his name.

Scott blinked, stopped, and nearly spilled his coffee. "Oh... hi, Marie," he said, blinking down at her. His voice was a little rough, and he coughed, clearing his throat, and mustered up a faint, distracted smile. "Um, morning?"

"Looks like you had a rough night. Or morning. Or maybe both." Marie began walking in the direction Scott had been headed. Hopefully he would lead them to wherever he had been headed, since she had a feeling the talk to come may not exactly be hallway friendly.

"Evening, night, morning." Jean hadn't slept very well after their nice, amiable chat the night before. Surprise, surprise. "They all kind of blur into one other after a while." He attempted another smile, to show that he was making a joke, or at least pretending, as he kept walking towards his office.

Marie smiled back, but inwardly noted that Scott's expression seemed forced. He didn't look like he'd slept, or at least gotten a goodnights sleep in quite some time. "Things have been a little rough here, haven't they?" After her talk with Jean she was starting to understand how much Scott was going through. And knowing him, he wasn't talking to anyone about it. Arriving at his office, she waited for him to enter first.

Scott hesitated, then went into his office, leaving it for Marie to follow if she chose. "Things are rarely easy here, Marie," he said in a neutral voice. "You haven't been gone long enough to forget that, surely..." He lowered himself into his chair, bringing the computer up from hibernation with the touch of a key.

Closing the door behind her, Marie gave Scott her best 'I'm worried and you aren't just gonna get rid of me easily' look. "Lets be honest, things are never easy around here. But Ah also haven't been gone long enough to forget how you tend to handle things." Looking around, she gestured at the stack of work on Scott's desk. "Throwing yourself into work doesn't make problems go away."

Scott rubbed at his eye, setting his coffee cup down on the usual spot beside the computer. "No," he admitted, his tone less neutral, more tired. "But it beats the alternative. There are times these days I actually prefer the paperwork."

"That because you know what to do with paperwork. An' if you mess up, what's the big deal, you can just tear it up and start over. Doesn't quite work that way with people." Marie turned a chair around and perched on the back of it, keeping her eyes firmly locked on Scott.

"I'm about ready to give up on trying to handle people properly, actually." Scott gave her a faint smile that had a certain amount of bitterness to it this time. "I more or less suck at it, I think."

Marie frowned at him. "First, there is no proper way to handle people. You of all folks should know that. And I would definitely disagree that you suck at it, along with probably most everybody else here." Trying to get a real smile out of him, she added "Well, except Logan."

"I'm being melodramatic and self-absorbed, Marie. You don't actually have to argue me out of it. Give me five minutes and I'll feel like an idiot for saying that in the first place." Scott swallowed, rubbing at the back of his neck for a moment and wincing. "I'd say I hadn't slept right," he said, "but I didn't sleep."

Shrugging, she said, "Hey, sometimes you need someone else to point out that you're being an idiot. Its hard to tell when you can do it yourself." Propping her head on her hands, she gave him another worried look. "To be honest, you don't look like you've slept in a week."

Scott waggled a finger at her. "I have, actually. Not well, but I haven't missed enough to be totally dysfunctional." Lifting his mug, he took a healthy sip of his coffee. "It's a funny thing, but I think I slept better that night in Oregon than I have in a few months. Maybe I'm just not remembering Cain hitting me in the head or something."

"Ah wouldn't put it past him." Marie grinned for a moment before her face returned to its concerned expression. "What's going on?" She was pretty sure that whatever Scott was dealing with had to do with Jean, but she wanted to allow him the option of bringing her up.

Scott looked away for a moment, back at his computer screen. "You saw Jean's post, I'm assuming," he said quietly. "That's what I was meaning when I told you she'd been having some problems. I didn't want to hit you with all of that right off the bat when you came back. Given that you didn't even know she was alive."

"Yeah. Actually saw it after I talked to her…but she gave me the short story. She's being really hard on herself…reminds me of someone else Ah know," she said, giving Scott a meaningful look.

"Well, they say... well, actually they say opposites attract," Scott said. The banter had no energy behind it. "Maybe we were drawn to each other for the sake of being able to out-martyr one another at times like this?"

Marie merely raised an eyebrow at the comment. Things were worse than she had thought. "You need a vacation. Would probably be good for both of you. And I bet you have absolutely no intention of taking one," she chided him.

"I can't. No, I won't," Scott said in a tone that might have been breezy if it hadn't been just a little bit too brittle. "Not unless Jean decides she needs some time away, and... I don't know," he said restlessly, shaking his head. "I don't know that I could, even then."

Ok, so if all else fails, get Jean to drag him off. Marie debated what to say next. It was a hard decision - if she pushed him about the need for a break from this place, he might shut down and not talk to her. On the other hand, if she let the subject drop, who knew when someone would press this issue with Scott again? Finally, she picked the silent route. It was, after all, one of the most effective therapeutic techniques.

She was just sitting there staring at him. What was going on here? Was she waiting him out? Scott rested his chin on his hand and looked up at her. "What?" he asked after a moment, as patiently as he could.

"Just waiting to see what else you have to say." Hopping down from the chair, she walked over to him and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Ah just worry about you."

"Worry's okay. So long as you don't go near my coffee with sedatives..." He gave her a sudden, sharp look. "Please don't do that. That wasn't actually me making a joke." It struck him to wonder just why he felt the need to tell Marie not to do that, but then, he was a little concerned these days that someone might take it upon themselves to try that again and he was really hoping to avoid that. Maybe being explicit wasn't such a bad thing.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Marie was quite sincere; the idea of drugging someone without their knowledge or consent rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe because it had been done to her, although not for the beneficial reason people had probably done it to Scott. "But Ah'm not above talking to the Prof about how someone may need some time off forced upon them. Of course, Ah'll consider suspending that talk if you promise me you're really lookin' after yourself," she said, half serious and half kidding.

Scott made a noise that was half-frustration, half-distress, and pushed away from the desk, sliding in his chair over to the nearest filing cabinet. "Please don't threaten me with the Professor, either," he said tightly. His head was not at all clear still, which was probably responsible for what he said next. "I'm already waiting for him to fire me and say it's for my own good, let's not rush things..."

Marie physically reacted to his comment and immediately cried out, "Wait, what? Where in the world is that coming from?" She couldn't believe Scott was serious. She took a deep breath to slow her racing mind. This time her silence was due to being at a loss for words rather than a concerted effort to get Scott to talk.

Scott grimaced, realizing what he'd said. "Nowhere," he muttered, shaking his head. "Bad joke. My paranoia hasn't gone quite that far." He didn't want to have to explain to Marie. All of these repeating patterns... so, so many of them. At some point, 'inability to do his job' was going to crop back up.

"Ah don't believe you."

Scott shrugged a little, defensively. "Okay. Maybe I'm lying through my teeth and really I think everyone's waiting for me to stumble again so they can have at me like a pack of jackals," he said, lightly.

Despite Scott's light tone, Marie sensed that he was expressing his true thoughts. "Its ok to be worried," she said hesitantly. "To be scared about how others are evaluating you." Scott always seemed like the strong one and it was finally dawning on Marie that they all expected that of him. Everyone here expected him to be the strong, fearless leader he always was… but he was just a man. And all too often, that seemed to be forgotten.

"Part of the job," Scott said, trying for that breezy tone again and not managing it. "I'm used to it. Really. I've integrated the paranoia." He was sounding more than a little manic, was what he was doing. "Do you know, Cain decided I needed a pep talk this week? How scary is that."

"Should tell you something, huh?" Marie leaned against the desk, carefully considering her next words. "Too many people here push themselves until they break. An' breakings okay… as long as you let others support you when it happens."

Scott stared at her for a long moment, something very open and vulnerable in his expression before he finally smiled, faintly and sadly, and looked back at his computer screen. "I don't know, Marie," he murmured. "I just don't know. So much has happened."

"It has," she agreed. "And things will continue to happen…and not knowing is okay." If only Scott knew how well she understood the emotions he appeared to be experiencing. "Just as long as you remember that your friends…that Ah'm always here for you. No matter what."

He looked up at her, then sighed again. "I really missed you, you know," he said, almost inaudibly. "I... I've been thinking a lot about what things were like before Alkali Lake. Back in the good old days..."

"Ah missed you too…missed a lot of people here and didn't even let myself realize it 'till Ah got back." She paused, thinking about the rest of what Scott said. "What is about the good ol' days that you miss so much?" she asked softly.

Scott took a deep breath, his expression going distant for a moment. "Being able to look at what I was doing and be happy," he said after a moment. "Or maybe just being happy at all."

Marie's heart ached for Scott. Happiness was such a simple desire, and one Scott deserved no less. Reaching out, she squeezed his hand. "You will be happy again."

He squeezed her hand back. "Your pep talks are better than Cain's," he said quietly, his shoulders slumped. "I just wish one of these times I'd actually feel encouraged."

"Ah'm not sure that's much of a compliment." She smiled, in attempt to cover the flash of true emotion his apparent despair had evoked. How could she tell him that she needed to see that he could be happy… if someone like Scott couldn't be, what hope was there for her? Pushing that thought to the far recesses of her mind, she continued, "Things will get better. You just gotta have hope."

"I know." If his smile was a little glassy... well, he'd managed it, at least. "Things do get better, right? It's sort of the way the world works." Because he didn't want to think about what would happen if they got any worse.

"They do. They have to," she said firmly. "And whenever you start to doubt, just come find me for a reminder."