The X-Project

After seeing his post, Amanda goes up to try and talk to Nathan. He doesn't let her in.



The bird sitting on his lap was cooing, a low continuous sound that Nathan supposed was meant to be
comforting. He stroked her feathers absently, staring out the window at the grounds. It should have been a relief that his thoughts weren't running in circles, but they weren't going anywhere at all. The sparkle of the lake in the sun was taking up all of his attention.

Amanda paused before knocking on the door. Yes, Nate had said he wanted to be left alone, but since when had she done what she was told? Especially after she'd been woken by a surge of... whatever the hell that had been down the link. Fury, fear, pain - and none of it Manuel's, just the overload from whatever the fuck had happened. Steadying her resolve, she tapped on the door. "Nate?"

Nathan's eyes shifted slowly to the door. #I don't want to see anyone right now, Amanda,# he sent dully, the effort to project the thought almost a physical strain. #Please go away.#

She winced, but remained where she was. "You don't have t' see me, you can talk t' me through the door," she said. "Just... remember what you said t' me 'bout pushin' people away? An' how I should call you on it if you did it again? I wanna help, if I can." The girl held her breath, waiting for the explosion. Or possibly stony, insulted silence. She was pushing it, she knew, but it was important that she at least try.

Nathan stared at the door. Bella pushed her head against him, her cooing a little louder. "I don't need help," he called out aloud, his voice weary and strained and yet oddly numb-sounding, too. "I just need... time to think. Alone."

"I think you do." Amanda lay her hand against the cool wood of the door, as if reaching for him. "An' even if you don't, you can't shut yerself up in there forever. Moira'll have Cain come an' take the door off the hinges if you keep this up."

Bella hopped down off his lap suddenly, scuttling over to the door. "'Manda!" she squealed. "'Manda!"

Nathan leaned forward in the chair, sinking his face into his hands for a moment. They were trembling slightly, his hands, a definite tremor that wouldn't go away. "Please go away," he said, his voice breaking a little, and he squeezed his eyes shut. "I haven't locked Moira out." Although if anyone else tried to come in he was going to shield them out and to hell with the consequences.

A sharp, stabbing pain cut through her chest at the sound of his voice. "Nate, please, whatever it is, it ain't gunna be fixed by you hidin' in there," she said, wondering what on earth had happened to tip him into this state. Then she heard Bella's squeals and squawks, and saw the tip of her beak just managing to stretch under the door, and she half-smiled, sliding down the door to sit leaning against it with one shoulder. "Hey, pretty Bella. You lookin' after the silly duffer in there?" There was some carrot in her pocket - there usually was, on Stonewall days. She pushed a piece under the door, Bella grabbing it from the other side and yanking it through.

Fixed. He saw Bella come up with something - a carrot? - from under the door and nibble at it. Easily distracted bird, he thought. Lucky bird. "Not hiding," he muttered, realizing that Amanda wasn't moving away from the door. "I'm fine, Amanda. Just fine. I... you should go. Do something else."

"You weren't here for the love potion thing, were you?" she asked rhetorically, pushing another piece of carrot under the door when Bella's beak reappeared. "Now that was hidin' - I spent... fuck, I think it was close t' a week, locked in one of the old parlours in the unused part of the buildin'. An' the thing I noticed was that if people care enough an'worry about you enough, they won't sod off when you tell 'em to. So you might as well put up with them bargin' in an' let 'em do their thing. 'Cause they're gunna do it anyway. An' another thing? It helps, just knowin' someone gives a rat's 'bout you, whether yer doin' all right or not." She smiled at the memory. "Jake came an' shoved cookies under the door at me, 'til I gave in an'opened the door. Should've thought t' do the same with you, only I think greedy guts here'd beat you to 'em."
Nathan took a deep breath. "I don't... I'm not hiding from anyone," he replied a bit weakly. "Just... I just need to... I can't let anyone in right now. Please, Amanda..." Too much like what he had said to Betsy last night, too close to a plea.

It was the please that did it, and the tone, almost desperate. "All right," she said softly, almost too softly to hear, but she knew he'd catch it. "I'll go." She sighed, and ran her fingers down the door again, in almost a caress. "Let me know when yer fit for comapny again an' I'll bring you a cuppa. No potions, just tea. 'S what we Brits do in a crisis. We bring tea." When her fingers reached the gap under the door, she wriggled them under, until she felt Bella's beak nibbling at them experimentally. "Bye, Bella-bird," she said. "Look after the old man for me, okay?"