The X-Project

Sooraya goes to visit Amara and brings her a small gift

Amara was stubbornly refusing to leave the Espinosa-Allerdyce apartment. No nudgings about getting fresh air or exercise or going to see a medical professional had got her out the door, but it didn't seem like she was getting any better for locking herself inside. She was still skin and bones after her time in Genosha, blonde stubble covering her scalp. Today she was in a t-shirt and shorts that belonged to John, skinny knees and elbows poking out. Her feet were bare, and her toenails were ragged and torn, almost as if someone had been picking at them (which she had). Her fingernails were similarly ragged, the usually meticulous Amara not bothering with any of her usual grooming routines.

She faced a dilemma every time someone came to the door. She didn't want to go near it, didn't want to give anyone the opportunity to snatch her out of the apartment. But when she knew who it was, someone coming to see her, she should answer it. It took some time before she answered Sooraya's knock, opening the door just far enough to let the girl in before she shoved it shut again, quickly relocking it.


 The apartment was spotless - meticulously so, since Amara had been going on regular crazy cleaning sprees. It also smelt faintly of chocolate brownies, Amara's latest round of baking.


 "Hey."


"Hey Amara." Sooraya had to fight not to let her face see the shock at her friend's state, her anger at the Genoshans surging forward once more. But she stamped it down relentlessly and gave Amara a gently smile instead. "I am really glad you let me in. And lucky, I think. It smells great in here." Keep things light at first. She wanted to hug her friend, but didn't think that would be very welcome. "I was wondering if you might up for a cup of tea or maybe needed a hand with you baking." 

There was a long pause from Amara as she considered Sooraya's words, and then she abruptly started moving towards the kitchen.

 
"We've got coffee, I don't know about tea. I don't know if the boys drink tea. But Amanda does, so I guess they'd have some on hand. For when she visits."

"If you have tea, that is great, but otherwise coffee is also good." Sooraya was not a very big fan of coffee, but with enough milk and sugar she could drink it. She watched as Amara entered the kitchen and let a out a small sigh. "Can I do something to help?" She called out after her, being careful not to be too loud... Amara kinda reminded her of a filly that should not be startled... 
 
 
Amara was busy rummaging through the cupboards, muttering under her breath about how they were impossible to find anything in and clearly she needed to rearrange them to make sense. She was snapped out of it by Sooraya's question, blinking as she was reminded there was another person in the room.

 
"... put the kettle on?"


"Of course." Sooraya quickly glanced around for the kettle and went to fill it with water. She also had to hunt around for matches for a moment, but the kettle was soon on it's way to whistling. She looked over to Amara, who seemed to be a thousand miles away again. "What have you been making? It smells very good." She asked in an attempt to keep her friend in the here and now.


"Brownies," Amara replied absently, finally digging out the tea. "There were cupcakes too. And pancakes. But they were eaten." Largely by her, but John and Angelo had had their share. "Do you want milk? Or sugar?" Amara didn't usually have either in her coffee, though she had been since her return. Her patterns had been strange - sometimes she did everything she could to start putting weight back on, and then sometimes she'd refuse to eat no matter how hungry she was.


"A little sugar, please." The Afghan woman requested as she helped Amara collected everything. When they were finally seated with tea, coffee and brownies, Sooraya hesitated for a bit, casting around for something to say. Finally she pulled over the bag she'd brought with her. "I brought you something... You don't have to use it, but if you do want them..." Her voice trailed off and she just pulled the scarfs she'd brought from her bag.


Amara blinked a couple of times, looking at the scarves. Cammie had similarly brought over some bandanas, but she'd left them sitting on the couch and not thought about them very much. She didn't need them, because she wasn't planning on leaving the apartment for anyone to see her like this. Maybe once her hair grew back. 


Sooraya dug through the scarves in her lap and quickly pulled out a midnight blue under cap and a sky blue longer scarf. She held them up for Amara to see, not really acknowledging her silence. "Can I show you? Nobody will be able to see what happened to you once I am done." 


Amara for a few moments longer, and eventually just nodded jerkily once, putting down her mug. She didn't know quite what to say to Sooraya - but unlike when she saw Cammie, she didn't really think she could rant and swear at Sooraya like she did Cammie. Maybe if she just let Sooraya think that she'd wear them, it wouldn't turn into a big deal.

Putting the remaining scarfs next to her chair, Sooraya got up slowly and moved over to the chair where Amara was sitting. Keeping up the calm movements, she first arranged the under cap and then carefully draped the sky blue shawl over it bringing it back behind Amara's head and tying it in a way that looked a little like a bun at the nape of Amara's neck. It was a style Sooraya occasionally wore with her business wear.

When she was done, Sooraya moved around the chair and crouched down in front of her, hesitantly laying one of her own hands on one of Amara. "You are still a beautiful person, Amara, whatever they did to you... With or without a scarf... You can keep them as long as you want, if you use them or not."


 
There was something about Sooraya's movements - and her words - that moved Amara where before any mention of anything like this sent her into a fit of rage. Instead she just sat still, trembling, not sure if she could - or would respond. She didn't agree with her words, couldn't see herself as anything other than ugly and broken now, not worthy of such care and kindness.

 
So instead of responding, she started to cry. Her tears were silent, just running down her cheeks as she bent her head, one hand coming to clutch at Sooraya's. The tears seemed to break some sort of barrier in Amara, and she soon slid to the floor, kneeling in front of Sooraya. Her arms wrapped around the other girl, and she began to sob in earnest on Sooraya's shoulder.


Sooraya was a little surprised at first, when Amara clung to her and started sobbing in her arms. Quickly she regained herself though, wrapping her own arms around Amara and gently rocking her. She didn't say anything, but she started humming softly, a song that she could vaguely remember her mother singing when she was little. Giving Amara the time to let out some of her emotions was the most important thing now.


Amara had long been bereft of a mother - her birth mother had turned away from her when they'd met, and her Nova Roman mother had perished as a sacrifice to the Dark Goddess, Selene. She'd had her father, but it hadn't been the same, and there was something so very reassuring about Sooraya's embrace, about the song she hummed under her breath.


It was quite awhile before Amara stopped crying, and when she did, she started to pull back, withdrawing into herself again.


"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me..."

She let Amara sit back, though she kept hold of Amara's hand, intended as something comforting.. "It's okay, Amara. You just needed to let that out." She didn't quite know if Amara wanted to say anymore, so she just smiled and squeezed Amara's hand, letting her make the choice what to do next.


There was a long silence, Amara looking down at their joined hands, not saying anything. The words were there, on the tip of her tongue, she just couldn't get them out.


"I can't..." Amara trailed off, still not entirely sure how to say what she wanted to.


"I'm so scared," she admitted, finally.


Sooraya's first reaction was to reach over with her other hand and cradle Amara's in both of hers. "I don't think that is very strange with all that happened." She replied softly. "Do you know what you are so afraid of?"

      
"Everything," she admitted, her skin temperature starting to cool as she pulled on the leash that held her powers back, strangling them further. "I can't leave, I can't go outside, I keep getting these flashes of... I don't know. Sometimes I wake up and I don't remember who I am or where I am, and other nights I wake up screaming after nightmares of fire and darkness. I can't look at myself in a mirror because I hate what I see and I think I'm going to look this way forever."


"Those flashes and nightmares sound scary." Sooraya agreed with her softly, thinking at the meantime. It sounded like they were some kind of memories of her time as a mutate? She knew not quite what to say to that, except for that they did sound scary. But on the other thing, she did feel something very clearly: "And I know it must be hard to believe me, but you are still beautiful. You have a beautiful heart and mind. Even if they are wounded right now."    


"I don't know how you can say that, but thank you." There was a ghost of a smile on Amara's face for just a moment. "I don't know how Angelo and John are managing to put up with me, I must be the most awful house guest ever. All I do is --" She stopped, a sudden stricken expression on her face. "I haven't even checked in on Callie, or Yvette, or anyone else. I'm so selfish."


"Maybe because they care about you and believe in you, just like I do?" She squeezed Amara's hands again. "And you are not selfish. You are dealing with something that is very difficult. They don't blame you if you haven't checked in. When you are ready to do that, they will welcome it, but won't blame you if you don't just now."  
 
 
"I should go and see them," Amara worried, the frown staying on her face for a few moments longer. "Not now. Not yet. But soon." Her gaze flickered to the door, hesitant about... actually leaving. "Maybe I'll email them. Yes. I could email them." She looked back at Sooraya, that ghostly smile appearing again. "Thank you. Again. I'm sure this wasn't what you were expecting when you came over."

"I am sure they would like an email or a visit when you are ready for it." Sooraya leaned a little closer, her voice becoming a little more intense. "And I came here today with the hope to maybe comfort a friend a little. So no worries about that."  

"Well, you did that." Amara's smile widened a little. "Can you show me how to put the headscarf on again? I wasn't really paying attention the first time."

"Of course." Not wanting to pull the scarf and underscarf from Amara's head she waited till Amara had handed them to her and then calmly guided Amara's hands through the steps, so she would be able to do it herself.