The X-Project

Acting on that hunch, Moira brings in some... specialist equipment.



"What's this?" Curt poked around in a small box in the prep room, sending packing peanuts every where. "Oops."

"Stop makin' a mess, yer worse than yer kids," Moira sighed and rescued the box from her partner. "Tis wha' I asked Romany ta send over."

He thought for a second. "That's... the woman with magical powers who is in a very complex living situation?" he hazard, tilting his head to the side as he thought about it.

"Th' one an' th' same. She's Pete's sister..."

"Poor thing."

"I think she scares 'im 'alf ta deat', really. But I asked 'er ta send this over so I can test a theory." Moira managed to fish out what she was looking for and was careful not to spill any more packing peanuts over the floor. Holding it up, the crystal looked slightly dull under the florescent lights.

Curt coughed and looked at her.

"'Tis magical in nature, somethin' low powered nay ta be a problem but 'igh enough in magical energy tha' we may see a reaction."

"You think it's her powers." It wasn't a question.

"We're at a loss, Curt, an' tha's th' only road we 'avenae walked down durin' this ordeal. We're runnin' out o' ideas and I told ye we were missin' somethin'." Quickly, she explained about the lack of eating Amanda had done and they both knew how she would have to look without nutrients at this point. Something was keeping her alive. Not only alive, but in remarkably good health.

Settling against the nearest wall, Curt rubbed the back of his head. "But Amanda has claimed up and down, front and backwards even, that it could not even be remotely related to her powers. You'd think she'd recognize the signs by now."

Pocketing the crystal, Moira blinked at him. "Everyone lies, for some reason or another." She shrugged. "'Tis nay even deliberate at this point, 'tis a subconscious thin'. She's nay lyin' ta us, she's lyin' ta 'erself. Wit' everythin' tha's 'appened in regards ta 'er powers, can ye blame 'er for denyin' them?"

Curt gave her a small, sad smile. "No, I can't say that I could."



Moira confirms her suspicions. To say Amanda takes it badly is something of an understatement.



Amanda was napping when there was a tap on the door. With a small groan she opened her eyes and peered blearily at the door to see Moira standing there. For a moment it seemed she was holding something in her hand that was glowing, but after another heavy blink it was gone and Moira was closing the gap from the door to the bed. "Hey," the girl said with a weary smile. She started to raise her head, but the flare of pain across her temples made her decide against it. "Ow."

"'ey yerself." Sitting down in the chair next to the bed, Moira took in Amanda's appearance. There was a little bit more color in her cheeks, though she was showing some signs of pain. Wryly, she glanced down at her hand, the one that was holding the evidence. Slowly, she put it down on the nightstand next to Amanda. "I think we may 'ave figured out wha's goin' on."

"You have?" Amanda roused herself a little more, ignoring the stabbing sensation in her head. Then she caught sight of the crystal on the nightstand, glowing softly. "Isn't that one of Rom's magical Geiger counters?"

"Aye, it is. I asked 'er ta send me on, express mind ye, th' other day." Amanda gave her a look and she smiled a little bit. "Lass, I think... nay, I'm pretty sure tha' everythin' ye've been experiencin'? I think 'tis yer powers comin' back. 'ence th' crystal because this was an easy way for me ta test since ye do still test x-gene positive, mind."

"No." In contrast to Moira's smile, Amanda's face had closed off, become expressionless. "That's not it, it can't be. You're wrong."

Not letting the expression on her face waver, Moira mentally sighed. Really, she'd been expecting this. Like she told Curt, everyone lied even when they really didn't realize it. Amanda had far too much emotional baggage associated with her powers to ever cheerfully accept the fact that they were reemerging. "When I asked ye about yer eatin' 'abits? Tha's when I got th' idea. Ye've nay 'ad a full meal in quite some time yet yer nay sufferin' th' affects o' it. Th' powers ye 'ad absorbed energy, so..." She glanced at the crystal again. "Tha' was inactive when I walked in. It shows how much power ye have in ye, remember? Now it's glowin'."

"Then something's wrong with the crystal. It's not me, I don't feel anything." Amanda covered the rising sensation of panic with that flat, emphatic denial. Sitting up more, she winced as her head started throbbing. "Tante took the magic away, she said I'd never do it again, and I was glad she did. I'm not going back there, Moira, I'm happier this way."

And that was what it all came down to, really. Her powers had caused her nothing but trouble in the long run and she was done with them. Finished. End of story.

Moira more than understood the resistance Amanda was feeling to believing that this was powers related. But the girl was fighting her own body to the point of destroying herself. Frowning, she tried again. "Listen ta me, please. When Rack magically messed wit' ye when ye were a baby he started a chain reaction tha' was nay supposed ta 'appen until ye were a teenager. Ye werenae born wit' yer powers so, by default, ye were supposed ta manifest at puberty. There are chemicals an' reactions tha' 'appen an' they werenae allowed tha' chance. Wit' everythin' tha' 'appened, I'm thinkin' tha' everythin' got put into a reset mode, includin' yer powers. Yer manifestin' again. Properly."

"I'm not!" The pain at raising her voice was like rusty knives stabbing into various parts of her head, and Amanda swallowed heavily to avoid being sick. "You were there, you saw what I did with my powers, Moira. How much fucking trouble they got me into, how much damage I did to people around me. I gave them up for a reason, a bloody good one. It was the right thing to do! And now you're telling me it's all for nothing? I don't care what you think, it's not my powers, they aren't coming back. I won't let that happen." By now the pain was excruciating and Amanda had her hands clamped against the sides of her head, breath hitching irregularly. "I'd rather have my head burst."

"Amanda..." Out of her chair, Moira hovered over her slightly. "Ye were given a clean slate, aye, but there are some thin's tha' can never go away. Ye know this. I know 'ow ye feel 'bout yer powers but maybe... maybe this is a way ta start clean wit' them as well."

She'd known Amanda would not take this well but this was not going well at all.

"I can't handle it!" she burst out. "My powers, the magic... If I get them back, I'll only hurt people again. Meggan, Manuel, Nate... you saw what I did to them, I can't be trusted!"

Leaning over, she grabbed the younger woman by the shoulders and gently restrained her. "Yes. Ye. Can." The words were hard but filled with warmth. "I trust ye an' I trust ye ta be able ta 'andle this, wit' 'elp because 'elp is always there for ye."

"How can you say that! I fucked up, I broke your husband! I could have killed your baby!" Amanda was beyond reason, hunched over her drawn-up knees, hands clamping her head. "I'm not ready, I'm not safe, I can't..." The panicked tirade was cut off as her eyes suddenly rolled up in her head and her back arched so suddenly she was flung backwards into the bed. Thankfully the pile of pillows stopped her smacking her head into the bedframe as she went into convulsions, limbs flailing.

Bloody...

Trying as hard as she could not to get herself or Amanda hurt, Moira leaned her weight against her, trying to capture the girl's arms before something got knocked over. One hand scrambled towards her pocket, the one that carried things for emergancies, as her knee hit the nurse button hidden descretly on the side of the bed.

Not bothering to wait, she pulled out a syringe from her pocket and yanked off the top. She'd been afraid of something like this since the denial had been running so very deep and with Amanda's health already on the edge like this...

It was, thankfully, not a struggle to slide it into the flesh and press the medication in.

The convulsions continued for a few moments, weakening against Moira's weight as nurses rushed in to help.

"Seizure?" one asked, joining Moira at the bed and checking Amanda's airway. Vital signs were stable, albeit a bit thready.

"Aye," she breathed, letting up slightly but unwilling to let go completely. "Gave th' medication ta 'er right quick so I dinnae think she'll 'ave any lastin' damage from this." She could feel the body under her arms shivering and she smoothed down Amanda's hair.

Amanda whimpered softly, everything in her aching. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and have everything go away. Including Moira's news. Fortunately, this time she got what she wanted, and she slipped into unconsciousness.



Final chapter: Whilst Curt and Moira are discussing the implications of Amanda's denial, Amanda herself has a lot of think about.



"And you're sure it's a powers manifestation?" Curt asked, frowning a little as he looked down at Amanda's chart. "This seizure... it could be a new symptom?"

"Positive. Th' further tests confirm it. As for the seizure... She worked herself intae it," Moira replied wearily. She was sitting on the battered couch in the diagnosis room, chin propped on the cane she held loosely between her knees. "Puir lass has had so much grief over her powers, I cannae blame her for bein' afraid o' them, but her reaction was a wee bit more violent than I expected. We have tae make her see the damage she's doin' tae..."

The appearance of a nurse in the doorway cut her off. The woman looked worried.

"Dr. M, Amanda's gone. She's not in her room, or anywhere on the floor. We checked everywhere..."

"Bloody hell!" Moira began to get up, using the cane as leverage, but then there was a crackle from the intercom on the table.

"Dr. MacTaggart? Mark from Security. We've got an unauthorised door breach on the roof level of the sector housing the non-critical patients. No sign of intruders, could be someone taking a walk but I thought you should know."

Curt cast a shocked look at Moira. "She wouldn't... would she?"

"I hope not." Moira's tone was grim as she tossed aside the cane and made for the door. "We'll take it from here, Mark. We've a patient gone AWOL." Her thoughts were whirling as she made for the roof door. They'd been down this route before, and Amanda had learned from it. She was past this sort of thing, understood she had support, no matter what. She wouldn't be so stupid.

Would she?

***

The worst part had been taking out the IV. She hated needles and pulling one out of herself was almost as bad as sticking one in, but she couldn't go trailing the bloody pole and its bag behind her through the halls now, could she? Not exactly stealthy, although Remy might have managed it. And probably turned the IV into some kind of weapon. Or maybe a drinks dispenser.

Avoiding the nurses hadn't been simple either, but Amanda was well enough acquainted with their shifts by now to choose the best time to slip out unnoticed. The stairs had been harder, every step up reverberating through her aching head and the dizziness sometimes forcing her to stop and cling to the rail, but she was nothing but stubborn.

And now here she was, on the rooftop of the clinic, sitting on the low wall surrounding the edge. Below her were cliffs, the sea hissing and foaming white against the black many, many feet below. Muir seemed to end in sheer cliff, no matter which direction you went and here was no exception. The cold wind made her glad for the blanket she'd brought with her, wrapped around her as she sat with her legs folded up underneath her for more warmth. The concrete beneath her was making her butt go numb and she desperately wanted a cigarette, but she was doing her best to ignore both - she had too much on her mind.

It wasn't fair. That was what she kept coming back to. She'd worked so hard, tried her best... and now here she was, back at square bloody one. Was it all for nothing, then? Giving up the magic, leaving the school? All she'd wanted, all she'd ever wanted, was to be happy and she'd never been so happy as her months in New Orleans, Tante's strictness notwithstanding. All gone, now. It felt like some kind of punishment for past crimes; had going to Selene condemned her to lose any chance of a happy life? Maybe it was what she deserved.

There was a noise behind her, a door opening, and she started a little. She hadn't expected them to find her so quickly, thought she'd have more time... Then she remembered the invasion of the castle, Nate being shot - the new security systems the Pack had put in, of course. She'd forgotten all about them.

Glancing over her shoulder, she confirmed what she already knew. "Moira."

"Ye realize I'm ta bloody old ta be takin' those damned cold stairs three at a time?" Moira asked, sucking in a lung full of air as she waved Curt to stay behind her. Unlike nearly every single other person on staff, and in general, she relished the bitter cold that this time of year brought. With only the lab coat to shield her from
the brisk wind, she walked over to join Amanda. "Forgot 'ow cold this cement could get."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Moira glanced over at her. "Everythin' alright?" Even though she knew it wasn't.

"I'm sorry, I should have left a note or something..." Amanda gave her a weak smile and turned to look out over the rugged cliffscape again. "Guess I wasn't thinking too clearly." There was a long moment of quiet, save for the faint sound of waves on the rocks far below and then Amanda spoke: "It was hard, y'know? That first month, not having my powers. It felt like... y'know how you crave something? When you're not getting what your body needs? So you have this urge to eat salad or fish and chips or a nice bit of steak? It was like that, this niggling feeling I needed something, but I couldn't get it. But after a while... I got used to it. Didn't even notice when the missing feeling went away." She sighed. "I was happy, being normal. But I suppose so were a lot of people before their powers made their lives go to shit."

Moira knew exactly what she meant and she allowed herself to think of the last time she'd had a drink. Ages ago but that need and want sometimes still surfaced. "I know 'ow much ye wish th' powers stayed away," she started softly, letting the wind carry her words where they wished. Something her mother had said once. "An' I cannae blame ye for tha'. But, gloamin', think o' it this way? Aye, yer powers are comin' back an' this means a world o' work for ye an' things arenae goin' ta be easy. But ye've got a clean slate wit' yer powers as well an' full control over their development."

"You sound like Tante an' all," Amanda said with a hint of a wry grin that faded quickly, replaced by a certain firmness. "I won't go back to Xavier's. Not after everything."

"Th' day she an' I sit down an' have a long talk is th' day tha' bot' ye an' Remy go inta 'idin'." It was nice to be able to tease like this, even after all the problems the last few days had brought. Moira shook her head. "I wouldnae ask ye ta, there's ta much baggage there for ye. There are a few options. Ye could go back ta New Orleans or, well, ye can stay 'ere. We 'ave more permanent rooms than jus' th' medical emergency ones, I'd be 'ere part o' th' time an', well, Muir is built for this kind o' thin'."

Amanda relaxed slightly. Moira's talk of new starts and retraining with her powers had made her afraid the school was the only place she could go, and she couldn't. She'd burned that bridge to the ground. "I think I'd like that. Staying here. You're right, I have to learn how to control this properly this time. No mistakes like last time." The resigned tone was leaving her voice, replaced with something that sounded like Amanda of old, before she'd been beaten down by circumstance. "On my terms this time, not anyone else's."

Moira beamed at Amanda, not bothering to hide the pride in the look she gave her. "Exactly. Ye'll be able ta start from th' ground up, build yer own base ta work off o'. An' ye'll 'ave access ta myself an' Tante, makes it easier on account o' 'ow yer power works." And knowing how she was, this was followed up with "An' if yer feelin' antsy? Me uncle could use another 'and at 'is pub since he's gettin' up there in years an' me cousin cannae do everythin' by 'erself."

Amanda blushed a little, or maybe it was the chill of the wind reddening her cheeks. "If they'd have me..." she said with a hint of her old caution. But she looked as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She had a future, one that didn't include being a hostage to her powers. "My own terms," she repeated softly, and then looked up at Moira. "There's something I need you to do for me," she said seriously. "To make sure things work out right this time."

"Anna will kill ta 'ave ye there, ye know tha'. An' me uncle enjoys yer company." Reaching over, Moira carefully placed an arm around Amanda's shoulders, knowing she'd still be in some pain. "Anythin' for ye. Wha' do ye need?"

"More tests," Amanda replied, leaning into the touch a little. "Like I said, I want to do this on my own terms. And that means no magic. People keep telling me magic's about choice, so I'm making mine. No magic, ever; I didn't ask Tante to take it away for nothing. But I need to make sure I'm not going to blow my brain up or something and have to ask her to give it back." There was something uncompromising in her words, even with the joke at the end.

Moira nodded and leaned her head against Amanda's with a sigh. "I'm so verra proud o' ye," she said at last with a smile. "I always 'ave been but I jus' wanted ye ta know tha'. An' tha' I've 'ad yer high school certificate up on me office wall since I got it in th' mail."

Amanda smiled, and bit down on the comment that it was possibly for nothing now. Having her powers resurface... it meant things might be delayed, that was all. It was just frustrating - she was turning nineteen soon and she was tired of putting what she wanted on hold. Maybe they'd be able to work out something. "I'm sorry it took as long as it did, me coming to my senses," she said with a small, wry grin. "Always was a bit too bloody stubborn for me own good."

An amused sounding snort answered that last bit. "Please, look who yer talkin' ta," Moira responded dryly. "Ta bloody stubborn is nothin' new around 'ere. An' sometimes it takes us all a while ta open our eyes... it 'appens in 'tis own time, aye?"

"Now you really do sound like Tante." Turning her head and planting a brief kiss on Moira's cheek, Amanda pulled her hands out from under the blanket. In one she held Romany's crystal, glowing fitfully as it registered Amanda's magical energy levels. "And talking of it being time for things... guess it's time I put my money where my mouth is and stopped holding on, yeah?" Concern crept into her face and voice, and a little fear. "You'd probably be better to sit back, not touch me. I don't know if what Selene..." The name was said without hesitation: she wouldn't dignify the witch with fear. "...taught me still applies. I don't want to hurt you, or anyone else."

Returning the kiss on Amanda's cheek, Moira did as she'd asked. But she didn't go too terribly far away, content to stand a few feet away, enough to give her the room that she wanted. But close enough to show, physically, that she wasn't going to go away any time soon. She'd risk the dangers.

"Ready when ye are."

"Ready..." Amanda's voice did shake on that word, and she took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. Frankly? She was terrified. That it would work, that it wouldn't, what it all meant. But she needed to try, the headaches alone told her that. Powers meant her life would change all over again, but at least it would be a life. The headaches weren't.

Placing her hand on the cold stone beside her, she closed her eyes, recalling Moira's training. Muir was a good place, she'd always known that, and it had power of its own. Of all the places she could have chosen, Muir was the best.

All right then. Here goes. And she concentrated on feeling her power, letting it activate, dropping all the blocks and guards. The stone wall beneath her hand seemed to tingle and then grow warm and she opened her eyes, a little startled at how easy it was.

And then squeezed them shut again as she was figuratively blinded. It was like opening a curtain, expecting it to be night, and finding it was noon on a bright summer's day instead. Everything around her - the stones, the walls, the very air itself - everything was glowing with power. Even the people; where she was standing, Moira looked like a small supernova.

"It's so beautiful..." Amanda breathed, realising that Tante had been right. Magic was in everything.

Even though all she could see was the crystal in Amanda's hands glowing brightly, Moira's shoulders slumped in relief. "Oh thank God," she breathed, nearly bouncing on her toes. It meant she'd done it, she'd reached past those barriers and tapped back into her mutant power.

It wasn't the end, though, in fact it was just the beginning of what would probably be a very hard road. But the girl had come all this way and Moira had no doubt she'd go the rest of the way with some support and understanding.

Curt came up behind and blinked. "The crystal dodad is glowing," he comment slowly, tilting his head to get a better look.

"Is tha' a scientific term, doctor?"

He shot her a look and snorted. "My dear Dr. MacTaggart," he sighed, and threw an arm over her shoulder, "when it comes to magic, that is a scientific term."