After his conversation with Logan, Nathan limps back inside in something of a temper. He has a talk with Ororo that turns from him venting into him calming down and giving her advice on a semi-related topic. It actually turns out to be quite a good talk.


Kids scattered at the sight of his face as he moved back into the house - literally scattered, usually with noises like startled animals. Nathan was focusing primarily on maintaining a shield over the links with Moira and Rachel and walked into a straight line, so he didn't pay much attention.

Office. He would go to his office, and take it out on the paperwork. And possibly Bobby, because Angelo was no fun to take things out on anymore. He just smiled and nodded and muttered about replacing the coffee with decaf. Annoying brat. Nathan started to stalk without thinking about it, and then froze, wincing as his leg protested.

Which it happened to do just in front of the open door of Ororo's office.

There was paperwork spread out before her, and logically she should've been attending to it. However, even the headmistress needed a break every now and then, and so she had been staring out the window almost wistfully when Nathan paused before the door. The movement caught her eye and she glanced over, immediately rising from her chair.

"Nathan. Are you all right? Come, sit down, please."

Looking a little gray - he was turning into a wimp in his old age, he really was - Nathan hobbled in and sat down in the chair she indicated. "May be overdoing it just a little," he said, physical discomfort warring with the rage that just wouldn't go away. His expression must be a study. He swallowed past the bitter taste in his mouth. "I thought I was past not being able to control my temper," he muttered. This felt unnervingly like those first few months after his conditioning had been broken, when he hadn't been able to get his emotions under control. But that had been eighteen months ago now. Backsliding wasn't allowed.

"Temper? Is something wrong?" Ororo looked down at him from where she stood by her desk, as always preferring not to put that space between herself and her visitor.

"Just talked to Logan. Did he really take himself off the active duty roster?"

Ororo blinked, instantly understanding. "Yes, he did. After the events of the last mission... I am sure he felt it the wisest choice to make."

"Well, that's just great." It was as much frustration as anger, that was the problem. Frustration at what, though? That Logan hadn't what, apologized? That he'd gotten the best of the conversation? Was he that petty? Nathan squeezed his eyes shut, running over a meditative pattern in his mind. It wasn't helping, and he made a noise that wouldn't have sounded out of place coming from Logan. "Why the hell was he ever on active duty in the first place?" he demanded, opening his eyes, not listening to the part of him that reminded himself that he'd never questioned their decisions before and starting out of pique and because his leg fucking hurt probably wasn't the best of ideas. "I was on reserve until I got my head sorted out, and the three of you ran me into the ground to force me to do it. What got him the pass?"

Though she was not unused to peevish questions coming from the person sitting in the chair before her desk, usually they came from someone significantly younger than Nathan, a teenaged someone still trying to sort out that the world was sometimes unfair. "Charles cleared him," Ororo replied gently, trying to ignore the bruise on her cheek that ached every time she spoke. "I am not trying to put the responsibility solely on him, but that was where my belief in Logan's place on the team stemmed from. But even he can be wrong."

"The bullshit he gave me outside just now aside about them being able to handle it better, what would have happened if I'd been Shiro or Jamie?" The damaged muscles were cramping in his leg and Nathan bent a bit in the chair, wincing. Perversely, the anger was only heating up further. "No, don't answer that," he grunted when Ororo looked like she was about to. "That's an idiotic rhetorical question and what is, is." He swallowed. Calm. Down. "And I know damned well that half of what he just said out there was macho covering bullshit and the rest was just not giving a damn what I thought, but..." The rage soared to a shriek inside his head.

Every piece of furniture in Ororo's office rattled and Nathan squeezed his eyes shut desperately. Goddamn it, what was wrong with him?

"Nathan." Ororo's voice was calm, but steely. "We made a mistake. We were wrong. I was far too forgiving, and I am sorry it had to go so far for me to realize it." Always. It always happens. We go on a mission, and then, when we return, there is just as much salvage and recovery as during it. Why? "You are right. If he had not taken himself off Active Duty, it would have been done for him."

Nathan breathed in, then out, resorting to the breathing exercises, since the patterns in his head weren't working. Gradually, the pounding of his heart slowed and faded in his ears. Ororo didn't move or say anything, as if she knew precisely what he was doing and was giving him the time he needed to do it, just waiting for his answer. Finally, he looked up at her, the bleak tightness still in his eyes, even if the anger was marginally under control.

"I've never questioned your decisions before. You know that. And maybe this is just me proving that I shouldn't be doing this anymore, that I've gone soft, but the son of a bitch had a point. It's entirely possible that he could have killed me. That void was close to a psionic null zone, and I made the wrong choice, not knocking him out right away. Because I'm used to being able to trust my teammates not to turn on me, to be able to keep their eyes on the greater good. Five years ago, I would have fried his brain the instant he started babbling, and my daughter wouldn't have come a few centimetres away from being an orphan." Logan's claws hadn't missed the femoral artery by much, Amelia had told him when examining the wound upon their return home.

"You are always free to share your opinion, Nathan," Ororo said, though she desperately wanted to remind him that Logan was off active duty and would not be endangering anyone anytime soon. I know I made a mistake... please do not add to my guilt.

Her expression twisted a bit as he mentioned his daughter, and she put her arms around herself as she leaned back against the desk. "Again, Nathan, I am sorry that I put you in danger like that. It was irresponsible of me, and I hope never to let it happen again. My reasons for keeping him on the team were... not good ones. And I'm sorry." Pressing her lips together, Ororo glanced away, out the window again, just for a second.

The anger ebbed all at once, leaving behind a tired sort of frustration. "Ororo, look at me," he said, and waited until she did. "This isn't about putting me in danger. I do that willingly every time I put on the leathers. I just..." He made a face, letting his breath out on a sigh. "You don't owe me any apologies. And if I catch you flagellating yourself, I might toss you in the lake. The urge is lingering, from that conversation with Logan." He smiled a bit crookedly.

"I do owe you an apology," Ororo said, shaking her head despite the relief she felt. "You have accepted the dangers from without. You should not have to deal with those from within. My job is to make sure the team functions as well as possible, and I did not... because I thought we needed him. We have lost so many... Alison and Haroun, Jean, Scott..." She bit her lip, taking a breath before she continued. "I should not make these decisions out of fear. I know that now. I am sorry that you had to suffer before I could realize that."

"We do need him," Nathan said, quite bluntly. It wasn't the response she'd expected, he suspected. "We need him, and Marie as soon as she's back at the top of her game, and any of the trainees we can fairly put out there in black leathers as soon as possible. We could have had twice the manpower yesterday that we did and it still wouldn't have been enough."

Ororo blinked, not hiding her surprise at his response. "It is a fine line to tread," she said softly. "By putting more people out there we decrease the risk for the rest of the team, but increase it for those that would otherwise be safe. I know they choose to do so, but still..."

"Logan is invulnerable. But his teammates are not. We are not." She reached up to finger the bruise on her cheek. "We must be able to trust, if we are to succeed."

He couldn't help but notice the bruise, and wonder, given the timing... no, he wasn't going to ask. "I ought to be more understanding with him, I suppose. We probably have the most in common of anyone currently in leathers, and I've dealt with ferals for a very long time." Nathan wondered suddenly what Logan would think of Ani and Ian. That could be an interesting conversation. "But you've all done too good a job on me," he said with a very faint smile. "Gotten me all
properly reprogrammed. I can't identify with him like I would have been able to even a year ago."

"I appreciate the effort, Nathan. And you are welcome to approach Logan however you would like. We will try to help him, as well, though I do not hold any delusions that it was anyone's strength but your own that got you where you are today." Ororo smiled back at him, tilting her head to one side.

"Now you're just blowing sunshine up my ass, Munroe," Nathan said gruffly, but it was a fond sort of gruffness. "I don't think the two of us are going to be buying each other beers down at Harry's anytime soon, I'm afraid." Not when Logan considered Youra viable ammunication to get him to fuck off and leave him alone. "But I'll cut him some slack personally, at the very least. I do remember what it was like not to be in control of your reactions... although I don't think I was ever quite such an ass about it."

"Few people are," Ororo replied with a small smile. "Thank you for speaking with me, Nathan. I must admit I am sometimes intimidated by the wealth of experience other people possess over me. It would do me well to remember that that experience can be shared and learned from to a better end. And I assure you that my highest priority now is to make sure our team is solid and trustworthy."

"I know." And he did. Temper tantrums aside, he had faith in his COs, or he wouldn't be wearing leathers. "It's been a damned hard week, Ororo," he went on more gently. "And I suspect that most of us who got sucked in didn't sleep particularly well last night."

"No," Ororo said, shaking her head. "I know I did not. But we made it through, and that is something to be thankful for." As I am thankful that Logan did not injure you more severely. That Lorna was able to hold up that building. That the trainees were not hurt. That Scott did not... She sighed, giving him a tight smile. "I think I am getting too old for this," she said, half-joking.

"How do you think I feel?" he asked with another crooked smile. "I sure as hell felt forty when I started trying to move around this morning..." She needed a vacation. He could see it in her eyes. He knew that look. "You know, I'm sure the paperwork could wait for a bit," he hinted, without even an attempt at subtlety.

"Why is it you are the one who comes in here angry and needing to talk, and I am the one that ends up being given advice?" Ororo asked with a chuckle. "Thank you, Nathan, but I am fine. I will go for a walk when I am finished with this, I promise. Of all the people who need a rest, I would think it is you," she added impishly.

"Why? Because I'm old?" Nathan levered himself up out of the chair, wincing a little. "I'll have you know I could still probably beat your ass three out of four times in the Danger Room."

"Only if you could catch me," Ororo replied, knowing better than to offer him a hand. "And until Dr. Voght clears you, I don't think you are doing any running on that leg."

Nathan scoffed at her, getting a firm grip on his cane and then turning towards the door. "Raincheck, then. And you make sure you do go for that walk," he said back over his shoulder as he headed out. "I know you don't rely on the sunlight like Scott does, but it's still good for you."

Ororo had to resist the urge to reply 'Yes Mr. Dayspring' in a sing-song voice, smiling a bit as she made her way back around the desk. "Thank you, Nathan," she said, taking a seat. "And have a good afternoon."